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Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

Please to Forgive

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The Diaries

The most recent diaries are at the top, with the first entry being the very latest. My odyssey begins at the bottom of the list.

The [K5] links lead to where I posted each diary at the Kuro5hin community website, and the [HuSi] links lead to the ones I posted at Hulver's Site. There are followup discussions at each one, which you can join if you sign up for a free account.

12-May-2009
Let's Play Twenty Questions

This idea of mine, for oh so long I have told myself, that was a dream for a much younger Mike.

28-Jan-2008
I was Interviewed by CBC Radio Today

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away." -- Philip K. Dick

11-Oct-2008
In Which A Giant Asteroid
Strikes Wall Street,
Transforming Manhattan
Into An Undersea Volcano

You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet.

1-Oct-2008
Has Apple Opened Itself Up To
A Billion-Dollar Lawsuit?

The Magsafe Power Adapter
is dangerously defective.

30-Sep-2008
Mike at the Open Mike:
This Time For Sure

I'll make sure I actually show up this time.

22-Sep-2008
Surprising Medical Advice

Plant your corn early.

19-Sep-2008
Of Open Mics, Or, Epic Failures

I screwed up. I'm determined never to do so again.

17-Sep-2008
Mike at the Open Mic: Bare Foot Coffee Roasters, Santa Clara

I'll be playing at Bare Foot every Thursday evening for the next couple months.

2-Sep-2008
Of Open Mics and Stromboli

I regaled Bonita with stories of all the creative, fun and interesting things I did, but in all our years together, I did none of them.

4-Jul-2008
Letter to a Computer Science Professor

I have a terrible problem, it has plagued me throughout much of my twenty-year career as a software engineer.

25-Jun-2008
I Beat OpenOffice Into Submission

It really shouldn't be this hard

19-Jun-2008
Gumption

If one possesses gumption, one can accomplish just about anything. That's what I don't have.

17-Jun-2008
Why I Live Like a Hermit

Where does all the money go?

16-Jun-2008
Happy News

I never thought I'd see the day.

24-Jul-2007
Maddy is Gone

I always adopt from a shelter; she came from the one in Rockland, Maine.

18-Apr-2008
A Small But Significant Milestone

A lot of things had to come together before I could start mailing my free CDs.

22-Feb-2008
A Small Victory

Amateurs play for fun. Professionals play for keeps.

9-Feb-2008
My Head Just Exploded

Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do

21-Jan-2008
Gumption Traps

Everything came to a screeching halt.

12-Jan-2008
I Just Bought Running Shoes

I'm hoping that running will give me more energy.

27-Dec-2007
Attention Vancouver Infidels

I will be in town through New Year's Day.

18-Dec-2007
Inspiration

I may have wandered off course, but I haven't lost my way.

21-Oct-2007
Real Soon Now

I explain why it's taking me so long to release new recordings of my music.

22-Jul-2006
I've Never Screwed Up This Way Before

I walked back into the living room this morning after pouring a second cup of coffee, when Bonita said...

27-Aug-2007
I Understand That Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness

There was a surprise waiting for me when I got home last night.

21-Aug-2007
My Oyster

I sleep so much that I don't have enough time to get what I want out of life.

30-Jun-2007
Maving Back To The US?

I don't want to have to pay customs duties on my stuff.

27-Jun-2007
California Stars

I'm saying goodbye to Vancouver.

25-Jun-2007
Musical Anxiety

Pride is considered the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins.

5-Jun-2007
Damn Near Quit My Job Today

I'm sick to death of the crap I get from morning people.

17-May-2007
My Internet Works Now

I have only been able to use the net in a serious way when I was at one of the many cafes in Vancouver that offer free wireless.

5-May-2007
Maddy

Bonita named her Mademoiselle at first, because she wears a French maid's outfit.

26-Apr-2007
Tremor

It's a side effect of the medicine I take for my mental illness.

24-Apr-2007
Methylcobalamin

A form of Vitamin B12, it offers some hope of treating my sleep disorder.

3-Apr-2007
Quality Time With Ogg Frog

A day in the life of a Free Software programmer.

30-Mar-2007
Ogg Frog Or Bust

Ogg Frog needs some real quality time if I'm ever to finish it.

20-Mar-2007
Mister Sand Man Sent Me A Dream

I sleep more than anyone I know.

17-Mar-2007
Physical Fitness: Day One

I fear I could have a heart attack if I don't get into shape.

12-Mar-2007
Never Say Die!

I am the best there is at debugging.

9-Mar-2007 [K5]
The Fruit Of The Tree Of Knowledge Of Good And Evil

The Good Book says it was an apple, but there are many kinds of apples.

8-Mar-2007 [K5]
Jump Ship?

I love my current company, my coworkers, the software products I work on, and living in Vancouver. But...

23-Feb-2007
I Bought Jesus A Smokie Last Night

I think John is mentally ill. I think John is deeply depressed.

14-Feb-2007
Emergence

For many years my ambition has been to be a composer someday. But I have never, until early this morning, done any composer's most important job.

11-Feb-2007
Athletes of the Small Muscle

"We are athletes of the small muscle." -- pianist Leon Fleisher

6-Feb-2007
Nite Owls

Everyone seems to be OK with me working nights. For one thing, I don't have any trouble putting in more hours this way.

5-Feb-2007
Open Mic Tuesday In North Vancouver

Maybe I'll play better this time.

4-Feb-2007
Michael David Crawford Live At The Cellar - Tonight!

I'm playing the Open Mic at The Cellar at Granville and Nelson streets in downtown Vancouver BC.

30-Jan-2007
Should I Go To Work At Midnight, Or Five AM?

I just slept for twenty-four hours.

29-Jan-2007
Late Night At Blenz Coffee

I'm on the hunt for an elusive bug.

18-Jan-2007
Finding Jesus

'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

16-Jan-2007
Rachel

How hard can it be to show a stranger a moment of kindness?

10-Jan-2007 Practice, Practice, Practice!

It's the way to get to Carnegie Hall.

8-Jan-2007 [K5]
The F-Word

Would this woman think I was asking for a date?

12-Dec-2006 [K5]
The Sad Woman

I saw a young woman crouched down on the ground, against a wall. She was crying sorrowfully.

11-Dec-2006 [K5]
I Just Turned Down A Google Recruiter

I'm quite happy to stay with my job in Vancouver BC.

25-Nov-2006
Making Good

Let me tell you about The Mother Of All Budgets.

7-Nov-2006
Ogg Frog: Back On Track

The first substantial work on my own software product for several months.

21-Oct-2006
Conflict Resolution?

I don't want to move out of my apartment but I'll have to if my landlady doesn't stop driving me bananas.

21-Oct-2006
My Secret Phase-Shifting Sleep Plan

While I've never been a morning person, I don't like working all alone in the office late at night.

13-Oct-2006
Normal Is Just A Setting On The Washing Machine

I'm a productive little worker bee, but I'm too tired at the end of the day to carry out my grand ambitions.

9-Oct-2006 [K5]
I Just Bought A Litebook

If I don't stop sleeping all day I'm going to get fired from my job.

2-Oct-2006
Uninspired

I don't like what I have become.

23-Sep-2006 [K5]
Why Does This Move Me So?

Let those who come after see to it that their names not be forgotten.

17-Sep-2006 [K5]
Writing as a Symptom of Mental Illness

Nothing comforts me when I'm anxious the way writing does, and I have never been so anxious as when I moved to Vancouver.

6-Sep-2006 [K5]
My Deepest Fear

They're the worse kind of police there are. If they catch you, there ain't no attorney gonna save your ass: You're going DOWN.

5-Sep-2005 [K5]
A Time-Honored Technique

I have every intention of repaying my debts but it's going to take some time.

2-Sep-2005 [K5]
I Have Blisters On Both My Feet

Flexitol Deep Cooling Gel. It's the shit, I'm telling you. "soothes & cools HOT and TINGLING feet". Yes, yes it does.

2-Sep-2006 [K5]
Leaving Home

In which I kiss my wife goodbye then fly from Truro, Nova Scotia to Vancouver, British Columbia for my new job.

31-Aug-2006 [K5]
So I Took The Job In Vancouver's Gastown

My first night in Vancouver: unable to get online from my hotel, I set off in search of wireless Internet and made my first friend.

23-Aug-2006 [K5] [HuSi]
Is Vancouver's Gastown Safe At Night?

Should I take the job? It's on the edge of the Downtown Eastside, the poorest neighborhood in Canada and widely regarded as a dangerous place to be.

22-Jul-2006
I've Never Screwed Up This Way Before

I walked back into the living room this morning after pouring a second cup of coffee, when Bonita said...

Mike Crawford wearing his Tilley Hat

The (Now Inappropriately Named) Vancouver Diaries

I left my wife behind in Atlantic Canada so I could make a better life for both of us on the West Coast.

Dear Dr. M.,

As I write this I'm seated in First Class aboard a plane climbing from the Ottawa airport. Tomorrow is my first day at my new job at a software company in Vancouver, British Columbia.

When I came to Canada three years ago I was a broken man. I was sick of programming and didn't know how I could provide for myself. But in recent months, writing software has given me a joy I have not known for years. Now I'm being flown across the country to my new job.

Software consulting is a hard way to live, but it has the advantage that one can live anywhere; for three years I lived in Nova Scotia while most of my clients were in the United States. Before that I consulted from Owl's Head, Maine, St. John's, Newfoundland, as well the remote fishing village in rural Newfoundland where my wife Bonita grew up, and Santa Cruz, California where I lived for fifteen years before my Bonita and I moved to St. John's to get married.

Salaryman

or Salariman (Japanese: サラリーマン, sararīman) is a Japanese term for a white-collar worker.

-- Wikipedia

What consulting doesn't provide is any kind of security. It's a good job for someone who is young, single and with nothing to lose, but not for a married man who is trying to put his wife through school. We had both long grown weary of all the chaos, uncertainty and quiet, clawing desperation. Something had to change. I knew I had to get a salaryman job.

But we had a problem: my wife has a year to go at her art school in Halifax before she graduates, but there is very little of the kind of computer programming work I do anywhere in Atlantic Canada. Once I realized this, I began to apply for jobs all over the country.

The job I found was in Vancouver, British Columbia, on the Pacific Coast and thousands of miles from my home and the woman I love.

I had never been to Vancouver and didn't know a soul there.

Please join me as I tell my story.

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