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Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

Please to Forgive

This site totally sucks when viewed on a smartphone.
I'll fix this Real Soon Now.

I Just Turned Down
A Google Recruiter

I'm quite happy to stay with my job in Vancouver BC.

Michael David Crawford, Consulting Software Engineer
mdcrawford@gmail.com

December 11, 2006

Copyright © 2006 Michael David Crawford. All Rights Reserved.

Subject: Follow Up - Michael David Crawford (Referral)

Hi Michael,

I thought I would send a follow up email. I received your resume from Mr. X and am hoping that we can connect to discuss opportunities at Google. If possible, would you advise me as to a convenient time that we may connect by phone?

Respectfully yours,
Ms. Y
Google Staffing

Ms. Y

Thanks for writing.

It's very difficult to have to say so as I would just love working for Google, but I recently started a perm job with a company that I'd like to stay with.

It's $REDACTED in Vancouver BC.

So at this time I don't wish to pursue a position at Google. I'll make sure you hear about it if things ever change.

For future reference, you can always find my most-current resume at http://www.warplife.com/mdc/resume/

Regards,

Mike Crawford

It took me a couple days to decide how to respond to Ms. Y. While I really like my new job, and did well on my first project, I'm afraid I am rather floundering on my second assignment.

There are two problems.

We are writing a new version of an existing product for a client. This product is very complex; it came with a mountain of source code and test data. I'm finding it very hard to come to grips with all that code.

That's something all us programmers have to do, and often so, but what's been giving me even more trouble is that my sleep is all fucked up. I'm having a real hard time getting out of bed before two or three in the afternoon.

If I go to bed early, in hopes of getting up early, I don't, I just spend even more time in bed.

I felt really wrecked when I got up today and didn't even go in. Instead I emailed the team to say I'd be working from home on my laptop.

My project manager was concerned that I'd still not completed my first task. It's really been taking me a long time. I replied to say that I'd check in my code "soon".

A little while later I wrote back to say that it really was giving me trouble, but I was determined not to let it beat me.

I had trouble with my first project too. That was all developed in-house, but I was hired after five man-years of work had gone into it. It also used some APIs I was completely unfamiliar with, so at first I was completely stymied.

I was able to start learning the codebase by fixing the simpler, lower-priority bugs at first, but then the time came that I really had to fix the top-priority ones. It wasn't my newfound familiarity with the codebase that got them fixed. It was sheer determination not to fail, but to succeed.

When we were about to go beta we discovered an intermittent crash bug. Nobody had a clue what it was. I stayed late one night and tracked it down and fixed it. It was a mistake in reference counting, some memory was freed while it was still in use. It was the sort of thing that could have kept the lot of us working for days, but in the end we were only a day late on our beta milestone.

I've decided to pull an all-nighter tonight. I do better work late at night. I don't like staying late at the office though, so I'll work in my apartment. I'm determined to check in the code for my task by morning, or die trying.

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