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Living with Schizoaffective Disorder

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I Just Bought Running Shoes

I'm hoping that running will give me more energy.

Michael David Crawford, Consulting Software Engineer
mdcrawford@gmail.com

January 12, 2008

Copyright © 2008 Michael David Crawford. All Rights Reserved.

I've been meaning to for a while. Nothing fancy, just your basic Payless Shoes sneakers. If I get to the point where the quality of my shoe matters, I will have already reached my goal.

I used to be in real good shape - 195 pounds, riding twelve miles on my bike every day then lifting weights at the gym. Now I weigh 230 and get out of breath walking up to the second floor of my office.

For a little while back in Vancouver I was running up and down the steps at the Joyce SkyTrain station. This was real good exercise, but I stopped when I moved to California. I walked several miles a day for a while, but that stopped when I bought a car.

My Fat Belly

I Don't Want This To Kill Me Someday

These days, when I analyze my server logs I find that a photo of my stomach from the diary where I announced my stair-climbing regimen is widely hotlinked by forum posts, because it's the #2 hit in a Google search for fat belly.

Some might be embarrassed by it and tempted to remove the photo, or redirected it to another as I have done with another widely hotlinked image. But no:

I let it motivate me. I don't want to die of a heart attack someday.


A while back I got an email from an old friend from UCSC. When he was a teenager he climbed El Capitan in Yosemite. He also rode his bicycle from Santa Cruz to Santa Barbara once, a distance of about three hundred fifty miles.

But he let himself get out of shape. His email was to inform me that he had developed unstable angina - he's a few years older than I. He was warning me that I might join him in that someday, and urged me not to let it happen.

Sometimes I feel twinges of pain in my heart, and wonder if it's too late for me.

I'd rather cycle, but my bike is in storage in Halifax, and Bonita is too busy with school to deal with shipping it.

What clinched my decision to finally buy running shoes though has been the way I've been having such a problem with fatigue after I get up - today I lay in bed for several hours after waking up before I was able to work up the gumption to actually get up, and then I was too tired to practice piano for a good couple hours.

I'm hoping that running will help me have more energy, and help with my sleep. It has in the past.

I've been seeing and hearing ads for charities that train people to run marathons as fund-raisers. If they can do that, I can run a mile someday.

Angela Bonilla, my piano teacher in Vancouver, is an avid runner. She advised me to run just a little bit, then walk until I catch my breath, then run again, and so to work up slowly to running continuously. That's what I'll do today. I'll just go around the block at first. When I can run all the way around I'll increase the distance.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some running to do.

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